“Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.” – Unknown
Surprisingly, I caught a lot of flack regarding an article I wrote on tactics for guys to get permission to go fishing from their wife. The surprising part was that it was the ladies who gave me the grief.
I thought the men would be aggravated for putting those little gems of wisdom in print so the wives could sniff out our true intentions. Lo and behold, the females were mad about being portrayed as the heavy in this scenario. One lady was particularly distraught with me. In fact calling her distraught would be like calling the Taj Mahal a pretty nifty tomb. It just wouldn’t do it justice.
Of course we need to review my earlier article that was shrewdly entitled “How to Get Permission From Your Wife to Go Fishing.” In that primer for fishermen, I gave a few pieces of advice that went something like this:
1) Always praise her and thank her for allowing you to go. 2) Always ask while doing sweaty work in the flower bed or maybe eating at Red Lobster. 3) Always ask – never put your intentions in the form of a statement. 4) If necessary use the old tried and true strategy of asking forgiveness instead of permission. 5) If you get back real late just tell her they turned the lights on at the fishing hole (long shot). But you see what I mean –just common sense stuff like that.
Anyway I figured that the only way to get back in good grace was to give equal time and discuss the subject from a woman’s perspective. Being a member of the liberal press, it is my responsibility to furnish information on both sides of the issue and let the reader make an informed decision. The question posed was: Why do wives dislike letting their husbands go fishing?
I approached the matter by using the scientific method because I know women appreciate attention to detail. Interviews and surveys were conducted and the information was compiled and statistically examined for accuracy. Here are the results of my work.
The number one reason women don’t like men to go fishing is that fish stink and our clothes stink accordingly when we come in. Women are coldly logical creatures and this reason, I have to admit, makes a lot of sense. After all most guys aren’t terrific about helping with the laundry and those clothes do carry a distinct odor.
The second most frequent response was that fishing seems to dull one’s sense of responsibility. Further inquiry into this answer indicated that it roughly translates into “The flower bed has more grass than blooms.” A typical response from guys is probably going to be something along the lines of having no flaming ambitions to win the “Yard of the Month” award.
The third most frequent reason given was that men need to get away from childish things like fishing and broaden their horizons in order to become more cultured individuals. Translation: Quit going fishing so you can take me to the ballet. I thought the first two reasons had some merit, but this one is down right radical. No self-respecting fisherman is going to the Cultural Center if the fish are biting. (However it may be good strategy to go to the Cultural Center if they aren’t biting.)
The fourth reason given by the women surveyed was that men are too impulsive about going fishing. They want to go without giving prior notice or putting it on the monthly calendar. My personal feeling is that guys are spontaneous by nature and the ladies are organizational by nature. Guys want to throw everything in the boat and gals want to pack a lunch, carry a rag to wash your hands with, and have assigned seating. I ask you in all seriousness, which is more fun?
Hopefully this effort at giving equal time and voice to the women will cool off the furor that I created. Honest dialogue is always a good way to clear the air. I fear however that the age old competition between the irresistible force (men’s charm) and the immovable object (women’s opinions) will continue in spite of my best efforts.
If any of you ladies have questions, comments, corrections or complaints please call me at 1-800-FISHYES. If I’m not there I’ll be back as soon as they turn the lights off at the old fishing hole.