Nick Nunn

Nick Nunn

By Nick Nunn

Scene: a woman sits alone in an examination room. The door opens, and a doctor walks in holding a chart. The doctor has a very serious look on her face.

“What is it, doctor?” asks the woman. “Is it serious?”

The doctor is slow to respond, but, finally, he looks right at the woman and says, “Yes. I’m afraid you have a bad case of ghetto booty.”

Stage goes black.

The previous scene, while only a fictionalization created for the stage – perhaps the best one-act play in all of history, as far as I’m concerned – actually happened (kind of) to a Tennessee woman, who was visiting her orthopedist.

Terry Ragland, 55, visited the practice of Timothy D. Sweo, M.D., who discovered that Ragland has a condition known as “lumbar lordosis,” which is basically an exaggerated inward curvature of the lower spine.

It just so happens that one of the effects of this condition involves a perceived prominence of the buttocks.

In an attempt to explain the condition to Ragland in a way that was less technical – did anyone out there have any trouble understanding how I just explained it? – Sweo told Ragland that she has “ghetto booty.”

“I think I blacked out after he said ghetto booty,” said Ragland to WREG of Memphis, Tenn. (fireworks). “I think my mind was just stuck on the phrase because I couldn’t believe he said that.”

Not sure that blacking out wasn’t enough of a reaction, Ragland has also filed a complaint with the Tennessee Board of Health.

After all of this, however, I’m not sure why Ragland is so upset; I mean, it must have taken most of Sweo’s 12 years of experience for him to be able to reduce physical ailments to such stupefying descriptions.

Sweo, responding to questions leveled by WREG, later admitted that he understood how her feelings had been hurt.

Yes, Sweo. Because it is a good idea to admit guilt before your medical board hearing.

Genius.