Attention Georgia lawmakers! Rotten tomatoes are flat headed your way! That’s right y’all! The Georgia Fruit & Vegetable Growers Association, farmers and other ag groups requested that the University of Georgia’s Center for Agribusiness and Economic Development conduct a study on the impact of Georgia’s immigration law (parts of which went into effect this year) and the results are in: Hundreds of millions of dollars in crop losses and thousands of jobs lost in Georgia! Some estimates predict a $391 million economic loss and a loss of as many as 3,260 jobs! Just what in the Sam Hill are y’all drinkin’ over at the state Capitol? I mean really! In one of the biggest economic downturns of our lifetime, y’all are shrinkin’ our number one, $68.8 billion industry! Now that’s ‘bout as smart as a back pocket on a shirt! Fix this thing!

Whew! Now Momma’s fit to be tied! She needs to refocus. Calm her mind. Build her body back into its youthful self! I’m talkin’ all ‘bout Yoga honey and you can try it out at Uptown Athletic Club located right smack above the Madison ChopHouse Grille in downtown Madison! Yay! OK so here’s the deal! Victoria Faust teaches each Tuesday afternoon at 5:30 p.m.! Plus another class will be added on Fridays beginning Oct. 14 with Ginny Parker at 8:30 a.m. Ginny has taught yoga for years and formerly taught at the YMCA and the Omni Fitness Center in Beaufort, S.C., prior to movin’ to fabulous Madison! Y’all check out both of these classes! Vicki Starr over at Uptown Athletic Club would flat love to see you! Y’all call Vicki for more info at (706) 752-1680! Hey and visit www.uptownathleticmadison.com for the entire class schedule! Namaste y’all! Check out Uptown’s ad in this week’s "Citizen!" Love it!

Hot dang! Why in tarnation are y’all wakin’ me up before the dad-blasted rooster? Ding dang! I flat forgot! Momma needs us to fix up a heapin’ helpin’ of handmade biscuits for her Mud Boggin’ Mommas Monthly Breakfast Club meetin’! Get the coffee started and I’ll pop open up this fresh bag of flour . . . Bangin’ Banjos! I can’t see Shasta from Shiloh! The flour exploded in my face! Talk ‘bout the Ghost of Biscuits Past! OK somebody get that big mixin’ bowl down and I’ll get the buttermilk and Crisco shortenin’. Set the ding-dang oven why don’t ya! Yikes! These biscuits are a mess! Momma’s gonna slap us into next week and back again! They don’t look right! They’re flat stickin’ to everything! Too much buttermilk! Well I reckon we can spoon ‘em onto the pan! Get ‘em in the oven. DING! OK! They’re done! Let me just open the oven and . . . Oh. My. Ever. Livin’. Soul! Hideous is too generous an adjective for these biscuits! Lord have mercy! I’ve lost the Southern touch! Call Nathalie Dupree immediately!

Anthony International reaching out to local pastors for help finding job applicants

The people who do the hiring at Anthony International in Madison stick out like sore thumbs.

The ding dang rain and tornado ushered in Fantabulous Fall weather! Honey Momma’s out Mud Boggin’ in PawPaw’s new Ford Truck that was customized by her buddies over at the brand new Bulldog Fabricators located out on the Greensboro Highway  next to the Smokin’ Gun BBQ! That means we’ll have some peace and quiet to update our award-winnin’ chili recipe right smack in time for the Annual Chili Cook-Off on Saturday, Oct. 1 at Town Park in Madison! Honey we got us a super fab secret ingredient that’s gonna push us to the Number-One-Winner-Take-All Spot! Boy Howdy Doo Dah Ding Dang Day! If y’all want to enter the Chili Cook-Off & Fall Festival, call the City of Madison at 706-342-1251 immediately and get your team registered! Hey and there’s also gonna be an Apple Pie contest and a Corn Bread contest! Yum! I’ll see y’all there!
Hey and don’t any of y’all forget that Cow Day at the Madison Morgan Cultural Center is also on the books for Saturday, Oct. 1! But y’all don’t fret! You can check out the Cultural Center’s Cow Day event on the front lawn of the Cultural Center in the mornin’ and mooooove over to Town Park to the Chili Cook-Off in the afternoon just in time to taste some great chili!

Ding dang! Y’all don’t forget ‘bout the Chamber’s Women in Business tonight Thursday, Sept. 8 at The Brady Inn! Honey, PawPaw’s gonna have to do the cookin’, ‘cause it’s girl’s night out! Join us for some fabulous wine and tasty treats and meet the Madison-Morgan Cultural Center’s Managing Director Beth Scott! And, the Chamber also wants to talk with y’all ‘bout future Women in Business topics! Be there!

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Mamma! I’ve got me a great big ole hankerin’ for pizza! I just gotta have a slice right smack this minute! What do you mean I can’t be seen out in public with the outfit I’m wearin’! It was my fave disco dress from the 1980s! Well ding dang it! I reckon I’ll have to make my own pizza at home! We’ll start with the dough! Wow! Yikes! I’ve made a big mess and this daffy dough won’t stretch across the pizza pan! Well Shhhhhasta! Put it in the oven and let’s see what happens. Ding! Ok get the oven mitts on and get that pizza. Ok . . . here goes! Yuck Yuck Pooy Pooy! This is flat out bad to the bone! I’m talkin’ Ellie Mae Clampett! Well I’ve had it once and for all! Let’s get our bow honkers on over to Amici Italian Café located at 113 South Main Street in downtown Madison!

Printed in the August 4, 2011 edition.