Summer “officially” begins Saturday? Really?
By Kathryn Purcell
Heat in the South isn't a dry heat; instead, it's a wet, sticky, sweltering heat that chokes you when you breathe in. It's heat that makes it always seem hotter than it really is. I fully believe that it takes a Southerner to be able to weather, pardon the pun, this kind of torridity.
One thing the Southern heat does do, aside from providing the ability to fry eggs on the sidewalk and turn closed-window cars into ovens, is indicate a change in season - winter to spring, spring to summer. And changes in seasons mean more than simple variations in foliage. The following are the top five reasons, that I've gathered personally, that indicate a change in the Southern temperature.
5. The number of fanny packs paired with socks with open-toed sandals is steadily increasing. Visitors are everywhere. While tourism is awesome for the local economy, it's not so good for gathering ideas for personal wardrobe changes.
4. The music changes. It's some sort of phenomenon. It seems that when it gets hot, everyone is suddenly prompted to turn on the Oldies. Or Jimmy Buffett.
Fine by me; in fact, I've even caught myself doing it. The music in my car has switched from the wintry, angst-filled lyrics of Nirvana to the music of the one band I ultimately associate with summer - The Beach Boys. Yep, Nirvana to The Beach Boys...I'm not even going to try to explain that one.
3. Hemlines are getting higher...and higher...and higher.
Personally, I applaud those who can wear short shorts/skirts/dresses. I am far too clumsy. I drop everything, which inevitably means I'll have to pick things up which, in turn, means that I'll have to either squat or bend over, which doesn't bode well for wearing short shorts, skirts or dresses.
2. Many of you may know, or do business with, or have taught, or have seen jogging around town, Citizen ad representative Russel Coker. One thing you may, or may not, know about Mr. Coker is that he likes to workout. A lot. Too much, if there is such a thing. Anyway, when he goes to workout, or play volleyball, or jog around town, he wears black polyester sweatpants. Rain or shine, night or day, hot or cold, Russel will workout in his black polyester sweatpants. Why? Russel expressed an extremely preoccupied, obsessed, fixated, hell-bent concern that his legs were not tan enough for public view. (A silly reason for wearing black polyester sweatpants in the dead of summer, in the rest of the Citizen staff's opinion. We fully expect to have to pick him up off the side of the road one day due to heat exhaustion getting in the way of his desire to workout.)
Russel informed us today that it was so hot, he was considering switching to shorts.
Indications that it's hot outdoors don't get more concrete than this.
And the Number One reason I know it's hot outside...
1. Junior stopped by and told me so.