Redneck fisherman takes issue with ‘cable guy’
By Greg Sullivan
Those who know me may dispute this, but technically, right now...I might be a redneck.
Okay, not really in the sense that I'm the butt of one of those tired Jeff Foxworthy jokes.
Still, the back of my neck is beyond tanned, and I guess it's legitimate by Foxworthy standards--it's from being out fishing too long Sunday.
And you've got to appreciate that.
It took long enough, but Memorial Day weekend was finally it. I had talked some people into going fishing up in Athens. Much to my disappointment at the time, it was just my first time this year to trod through the Oconee River with fishing pole in hand.
And this time it was me who was the guy that awkwardly fell in the water--twice, actually. Not a great way to officially start off the summer, perhaps even a bad omen.
No need to rush me over to Morgan Memorial, though. I'm okay. The scars they are minor; the embarrassment, in my case, is just part of the sport. And hopefully the rest of my party got a good laugh out of the ordeal.
Have you ever just had one of those days where you just couldn't seem to do anything right?
Sunday was that day for me. I caught three brim.
Sure, you say that's better than nothing, but the two other guys I'd fished with must have caught over 100 between the two of them and a couple of the basses they reeled in really dwarfed my measly, starved and non-exotic brim by comparison.
Fishing's not really that hard in theory. A lot of times I'm able to pull my weight alongside much more knowledgeable and experienced fishermen.
This leads me to think that my performance Sunday was due not just to my bad attitude, frustration and poor luck; but also at least partly because I (not currently having one of my own) was lent a less-than-effective fishing pole.
Let me back up some.
Sunday I made plans to fish with a friend I have fished with regularly in the past. This time around, though, he brought along with him some guy I had never met before.
We'll call him Larry the Cable guy just to sort of weave this whole "Blue Collar" theme together.
Larry is exactly the kind of person I don't like to fish with.
I knew this about right off the bat. Then walking to our fishing spot it was painfully obvious.
The quote of the day shortly ensued: "Not too long ago I figured up I fished 364 of the last 365 days. Man, and that one day it rained like hell."
This guy does nothing but fish (and a few other things judging by the looks of him), and I don't mean he's a professional fisherman. I mean he really doesn't do much. He's the kind of guy you're momma tells you not to grow up and be.
Normally to me that sounds cool, but in this case it's not. A lot of my friends, myself included, have our moments where we're not exactly over-achieving. But here, I found myself in the midst of worthlessness and in the company of a man who showed no resemblance to anything that could be construed as "cool."
So then came the lame jokes. I tried dodging them by showing no interest. Then I tried complete silence.
It wasn't working.
My falling didn't help. It provided material to a guy that was painfully starved for it.
The Oconee River is wide at parts, for those who aren't familiar.
Some parts will leave a grown man with his ankles still dry. The next step could leave his head submerged in mirky water.
Despite my careful gliding steps, my river shoes weren't getting good traction.
A little too much moss on a rock I stepped on and I found myself falling backwards; feeling stupid, although there was no real way to avoid it.
I did it again falling forward on my trek out of the river, rushing and making steps I wouldn't normally make to try just to find a manageable spot on the bank to make an exit. Leaving those behind me another hearty laugh.
Next time, though, it may be their turn to take a nasty fall. Karma has a way of working like that.
I think, if anything, I'm due some luck next time.
A good start would be no Larry.
In any case, karma, at least thus far, hasn't treated me horribly on some levels.
I'm not the life of any party, cool or very funny; but I rest comfortably that I am all of those things once compared to Larry.
"Get R Done!!!"
Oh, yeah, and thanks for rigging me up with the fishing pole that doesn't work. You're a godsend.