Free money, billboard girlfriend and pizza perfume • Nick Nunn, Nunn-Sense
I don’t do this very often, but, today, on paper, so it can be proved... I’m admitting that I was wrong.
I must rectify a mistake and make a correction after finding more stories about the North Korean Unicorns.
It turns out that they aren’t unicorns at all, but a creature with “a dragon’s head, a deer’s body, the tail of a cow, hooves and a mane.”
My sincerest apology to the North Korean government.
Usually, one story a week will suffice, but I’ve got a short list of hodgepodge to fit in today, so bear with me.
First, some genius named Dan McCoy found some money just sitting in an ATM at a gas station in Frederick, Mass., and he wants to give it back to whomever it belongs to.
Seriously, have you never played Monopoly? Bank error in your favor – collect $200 dollars.
Anyway, he has even given his phone number to the press, so, if you want to take a whack at this piñata and see if you can’t come away with a little Christmas cash, call 301-739-7763.
Need another get-rich-quick scheme for those not-quite-last-minute-yet gifts?
Marc Paskin, a 63-year-old real estate investor from Southern California, who is worth $200 million has bought a billboard in San Diego that states in big, white letters:
“All I Want for Christmas is a Latina Girlfriend.”
Paskin’s wife of 28 years, Marsha, died in 2002, he has two adult children, and – just so you don’t think he is some kind of freak – he likes to travel, sing karaoke, and impersonate Elvis.
On his billboard, Paskin also lists his email address for the... opportunity. Feel free to email him at: ChristmasLatina@aol.com.
Finally, the perfect late Christmas present has come to our attention here at the Citizen this week: Pizza Hut is releasing a perfume.
They are only producing 100 vials for a test-run to be delivered to some dedicated pizza patrons. But, if interest in the product rises – Get it? Rises? Like pizza dough? – we may all get the chance to smell like a greasy mess before you know it.
That’s enough for this week. Maybe too much...
Printed in the December 13, 2012 edition