They say an elephant never forgets – that is, unless it gets completely blackout drunk the night before.
Send home the Moose and Elks! They won’t be able to keep up with the “New Order of South Asian Elephants’ Lodge” (again, don’t steal my ideas), a group that has been hitting the town near small villages in India.
Oh yes, I’m talking about real elephants.
A few weeks ago – on a Sunday, no less (those darned disrespectful pachyderms) – a pack of elephants trampled home, hearth and liquor store in search of a locally brewed alcoholic beverage that goes by the name of Mahua.
According to the Times of India, approximately 50 elephants were drawn from the jungle by the aroma of the brewing process.
These Dumbos of Delhi, using what God gave them, quickly sniffed out the first store stocked with the good stuff, guzzling 18 containers of Mahua.
Well, you know how it goes; the night was young and the big guys were just getting their buzzes on, so they went in search of more, raiding three private homes (taking the expression “there’s an elephant in the room” to a whole new level) before the villagers decided they’d had enough of the rowdy bunch.
With the help of some forestry officials, the villagers managed to get the elephants to cross the river back into the jungle so they could go home and sleep it off.
And, depending on whether elephant-sized asprin was available to those poor, big drunks, it might be a while before they decide to go out binge drinking again.
All in all, this pachyderm party was pretty mild compared to some.
Seventy drunken elephants lost their minds on a village in 2010, creating a stampede that destroyed the small town and killed three people. 
And, in 2007 six wild elephants had to be electrocuted following a rice beer binge.
Apparently, Thomas Edison wrote the book on how to deal with drunken elephants.

Printed in the November 15, 2012 edition