“According to the Oxford English Dictionary the word “crap” is the Middle English derivative of “crappe,” meaning "chaff or residue from rendered fat.” Furthermore, the OED defines crap as rubbish, junk, and nonsense as well as its well known potty mouth definition. This week, crap serves my purposes in the non-potty mouth spirit. Read on, the quasi disclaimer will make sense.
 You’ve heard the old proverb: bad things come in threes. If you pay attention, there’s some truth to related experiences, not always bad, happening in clusters of three. Such is the case this week; it’s all about hair- the good, the bad and the comical.
On a Monday morning, two weeks ago, I arrived 15 minutes early to begin a new class. I’m proud, and a little smug, to be so prompt. Not a car in sight, I text my friend, “I’m in a vacant parking lot.” She responds, “It’s on Wednesday, honey.” I text back, “Dang, and I’m having a good hair day.” She returns volley, “Don’t sleep on it, it’ll keep.” Sitting there in the car, I recall a hilarious childhood memory: my mother and grandmother patronized the beauty parlor once a week; protecting the coiffed tresses, the remaining days,  by wrapping their heads in toilet paper, before retiring for the night. I briefly considered re-purposing a roll, but didn’t think I could manage two nights, swathed in Charmin, without someone slipping me medication. 
My good friend, a hairstylist, received notice last week; the salon owner, where she works, was closing shop. She confided in me, the former owner had given her a really hard time; she had been mean- spirited and deceitful in closing the salon, gathering her equipment, and moving out. This was far from the amiable relationship they had previously enjoyed. Refusing to “curl up and dye,” my friend decided to retain the space and establish her own salon. When ask what she should name it, I suggested, “Cut the Crap.” I couldn’t help myself; humor helps in unpleasant situations.
This week, I arrive at Waffle House, to meet a friend for breakfast. I spot her hiding out in a booth, under a baseball cap. She explains the hat, “I have slathered mayonnaise on my hair.” “What?” “To remove the gum.” To be clear, I didn’t meet a six-year old; she has as many grandchildren as Snow White has dwarfs. Yes, she did, she went to sleep with gum in her mouth. “What about ice?” I ventured. “Tried it”, she snapped. From my perspective, the whole gum and salad dressing debacle was avoidable had she only wrapped her head in toilet paper. As far as I know, if the mayo didn’t work, she had but one alternative- “cut the crap.” 

Best of the Best
Gum removal:
For hair, clothing, carpet and shoes: freeze it first with ice, in a bag, to make it brittle, scrape, and break pieces off to remove as much as possible. Put shoes and clothes in baggies in the freezer to freeze gum. Hair: follow with mayo, peanut butter or olive oil, leave on 30 minutes to remove any gum residue. Clothing: follow with a dab of cooking oil to loosen residue and scrape off. You will then need to remove the oil by applying cornstarch and letting it sit; scrape residue off fabric, treat spot with laundry stain remover, wash and hang to dry. You want to make sure the oil comes out completely before drying in the dryer. Shoes: follow with goo-gone or WD-40 to remove residue. Carpet: follow with dry cleaning solvent to remove residue and then clean area with warm soapy water.

Cathy Best discovers new things daily. Contact her to share local resources, books, blogs, Web sites and apps you’ve discovered: bestdiscovery
@aol.com.

Printed in the October 25, 2012 edition