N-Diculous • Nick Nunn, COLUMNIST
Commentary on the bizarre
Terry Vance Garner, a 70-year old Oregonian pig farmer was eaten alive by his animals last week.
Question 1: If we barbecue and eat the guilty hog, does that make us cannibals?
In all seriousness, the death came as quite a blow to his wife, who found nothing but his dentures in the pen after he had been gone for several hours.
Garner’s brother, Michael described the situation that led up to his death.
“He said he was going to kill it, but when I asked him about it later, he said he had changed his mind.”
In this kill-or-be-killed world, Garner apparently chose the latter.
The police department is exploring the possibility that foul play might be involved, while some speculate that it is might be porcine.
“For all we know, it was a horrific accident, but it’s so doggone weird that we have to look at all possibilities,” said District Attorney Paul Frasier.
Michael Garner reiterated that his brother loved his farm and the farming lifestyle.
“Those animals were his life,” Garner told the Eugene Register-Guard.
Apparently, the irony was lost on the brother.
Printed in the October 4, 2012 edition.